Jessica Zafra: 40 conversations about billboards
18-Jul-11, 2:31 PM | Jessica Zafrahttp://www.interaksyon.com/article/8758/jessica-zafra-40-conversations-about-billboards
Rush hour traffic northbound on Edsa Guadalupe, 1 July 2011
1. “ . . .”
“OMG.”
“WTF!”
2. “They’re so. . .they’re so. . .naked. I mean technically they’re not naked because they’re wearing little briefs but the tiny scraps actually call attention to what’s under them so they couldn’t be more naked.”
3. “It’s a sign. I’m breaking off my engagement to Ursula, whom I only proposed to at the insistence of my parents, to be with the one I truly love: Facundo.”
4. “You can get those pecs and abs by sniffing glue??”
5. “Stop this train! Stop it! Where is the emergency cord? Mama, para!”
6. “Bastos! Ang laswa! I love it!”
“Bastos! Ang laswa! Bakit pinapayagan ang pornography sa highway?"
7. "But that's a traffic hazard! People could crash their car into the barrier or fall into the river."
8. “Ibaba ang mga billboard!”
“Ibaba ang mga brip!”
1. “ . . .”
“OMG.”
“WTF!”
2. “They’re so. . .they’re so. . .naked. I mean technically they’re not naked because they’re wearing little briefs but the tiny scraps actually call attention to what’s under them so they couldn’t be more naked.”
3. “It’s a sign. I’m breaking off my engagement to Ursula, whom I only proposed to at the insistence of my parents, to be with the one I truly love: Facundo.”
4. “You can get those pecs and abs by sniffing glue??”
5. “Stop this train! Stop it! Where is the emergency cord? Mama, para!”
6. “Bastos! Ang laswa! I love it!”
“Bastos! Ang laswa! Bakit pinapayagan ang pornography sa highway?"
7. "But that's a traffic hazard! People could crash their car into the barrier or fall into the river."
8. “Ibaba ang mga billboard!”
“Ibaba ang mga brip!”
9. “Don’t look, children, cover your eyes. I told you to look away!”
10. “Dios ko. Get thee behind me, Satan. Now!”
11. “Wagi na naman siya. The man is a marketing genius.”
“I hear the earlier version was disapproved for being too risqué.”
“You mean this is the sanitized version?”
“Yes, and it was only approved with a strong caution. If anyone complains it must be taken down.”
“Of course there will be complaints.”
“They’re counting on it.”
“Brilliant.”
12. “Hello, Angela? You have to come here right now. Edsa on Guadalupe, the border of Mandaluyong. I can’t explain, just come here now.”
13. “Sino ba yang mga yan?”
“Who cares? Basta nakahubad.”
“Artista ba yan?”
“Ikaw talaga, basta tisoy artista na.”
"Pare-pareho naman ang mga yan.
14. “Some people will do anything for attention. I would never pose in my underpants for a giant billboard.”
“No one wants to see you in your underpants, on a billboard or anywhere.”
15. “Yucch. Polyester.”
16. “If your underwear is too tight will it make you sterile?”
“It would choke the chicken, literally.”
17. “Hello, Ben-Hur? It’s me, Pare. Dude, ano ba itong mga billboard sa may Guadalupe? Mga lalaking nakahubad, ang sagwa. Tinakpan ko nga ang mata ng mga pamangkin ko para hindi nila makita. Teritoryo mo yan, Bro, Mandaluyong. Papayagan mo ba yan, nakikita ng lahat, ang bastos.”
18. “Siguradong Photoshop yan, masyadong enhanced.”
19. “Shit, I’m going to have to whip myself tonight. That’s 30 lashes at least. Since I’m going to self-flagellate anyway I might as well look. . .”
20. “Nakakalalaki na yan ah, !@#$%^& tanggalin yan!
21.“Magkano kaya ang mga yan? Paano ko sila makokontak?”
“Bakit pa, ang dami namang mga Brazilian diyan, nagkalat sa buong Maynila.”
22. “Parang Dieux du Stade na hindi kasing halay. Mas homoerotic yon.”
23. “There are billboards everywhere, but the billboards in the Philippines are humongous. They blot out the sun.”
24. “What’s wrong with having mostly-naked men on billboards? There are mostly-naked woman on billboards all over the city. So it’s all right to have unclothed females on the highway for men to admire and face it, fantasize about, but not unclothed males for the women? Women aren’t allowed to think about sex? Women don’t own their bodies, they’re just receptacles for producing spawn?”
Thought balloon: “Take those billboards down right this minute, they’re subliminally promoting the Reproductive Health Bill.”
25. “Baka maging bakla ang anak ko.”
26. “They have a very sound reason for posing in their skivvies. They’re doing it to promote their sport.”
“Sport? What sport? All I see is meat.”
27. “Holy crap it’s my cousin. I’ll never be able to look him in the eye again.”
“I don’t think he intends for you to look him in the eye.”
28. “Alin diyan ang sa ‘yo?”
“Ayoko noon, hipon.”
29. “Shouldn’t they win something first before you put them on billboards?”
“They’ve won lots of tournaments, fool, they’re like number 50 in the world or something.”
“Well I haven’t seen their games on TV so I don’t care.”
30. “My husband is a shapeless blob who swills beer all day. When he keels over from a heart attack I’m gonna get me one of those.”
31. “We can’t allow girls to see that. They’ll think men should look like that. I’ll never get laid again.”
“Who said anything about girls? Those are for the gay audience.”
32. “Attorney, I want to file suit against the manufacturer. Their ads cause depression. They make me feel inadequate.”
33. “Did you know that when the Italian football team did an underwear ad Cannavaro’s package had to be shrunken digitally?”
“Mamma mia!”
34. “Wow, the Pasig River has become a tourist attraction overnight. Who would’ve thought it. Now if they could just charge a viewing fee we could seriously address the pollution problem.”
35. "Remember that typhoon some years ago? The winds were so strong they sent billboards flying and they crushed houses and decapitated people? Weren’t the billboards banned after that?”
36. “Does the MMDA know about this?”
“Don’t they issue the permits?”
37. “If they take down these billboards because they make people think filthy thoughts, they’ll have to dismantle all the billboards. You never know what turns people on, so be fair.”
38. “Think about the children (sob). How would it affect them, seeing men in their underwear flaunting themselves like that?”
“I don’t know. How?”
“It would. . .it would. . .ah basta, it’s immoral!”
39. “This is a job for the men’s rights movement.”
“There is no men’s rights movement.”
“I just had an idea for a party list.”
40. “What would happen if all the billboards are taken down?”
“We’d see the sky again.”
“Heavy.”
25. “Baka maging bakla ang anak ko.”
26. “They have a very sound reason for posing in their skivvies. They’re doing it to promote their sport.”
“Sport? What sport? All I see is meat.”
27. “Holy crap it’s my cousin. I’ll never be able to look him in the eye again.”
“I don’t think he intends for you to look him in the eye.”
28. “Alin diyan ang sa ‘yo?”
“Ayoko noon, hipon.”
29. “Shouldn’t they win something first before you put them on billboards?”
“They’ve won lots of tournaments, fool, they’re like number 50 in the world or something.”
“Well I haven’t seen their games on TV so I don’t care.”
30. “My husband is a shapeless blob who swills beer all day. When he keels over from a heart attack I’m gonna get me one of those.”
31. “We can’t allow girls to see that. They’ll think men should look like that. I’ll never get laid again.”
“Who said anything about girls? Those are for the gay audience.”
32. “Attorney, I want to file suit against the manufacturer. Their ads cause depression. They make me feel inadequate.”
33. “Did you know that when the Italian football team did an underwear ad Cannavaro’s package had to be shrunken digitally?”
“Mamma mia!”
34. “Wow, the Pasig River has become a tourist attraction overnight. Who would’ve thought it. Now if they could just charge a viewing fee we could seriously address the pollution problem.”
35. "Remember that typhoon some years ago? The winds were so strong they sent billboards flying and they crushed houses and decapitated people? Weren’t the billboards banned after that?”
36. “Does the MMDA know about this?”
“Don’t they issue the permits?”
37. “If they take down these billboards because they make people think filthy thoughts, they’ll have to dismantle all the billboards. You never know what turns people on, so be fair.”
38. “Think about the children (sob). How would it affect them, seeing men in their underwear flaunting themselves like that?”
“I don’t know. How?”
“It would. . .it would. . .ah basta, it’s immoral!”
39. “This is a job for the men’s rights movement.”
“There is no men’s rights movement.”
“I just had an idea for a party list.”
40. “What would happen if all the billboards are taken down?”
“We’d see the sky again.”
“Heavy.”
